


Anemone

by tiddywrites



Category: VIXX
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Flowers, Hanahaki Disease, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, Sickness, Vomiting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-01
Updated: 2017-11-01
Packaged: 2019-01-27 20:53:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,039
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12590312
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tiddywrites/pseuds/tiddywrites
Summary: In which Wonshik's love for Jaehwan is slowly suffocating him





	Anemone

Wonshik is sick.  
He’s seated in the dark theater, suffocating in the warm darkness surrounding him, as he watches the young people on stage. In their midst is Jaehwan. It’s his first lead role, and of course Wonshik bought a ticket for the front row. He even bought a bouquet of roses to hand Jaehwan after the performance. His eyes don’t leave his best friend for a second and with his heart in his mouth he silently mouths all of Jaehwan’s lines.  
It’s at the end of the performance that he starts feeling it. Like something’s lightly wrapping around his lungs, trying to crawl up his trachea. At first he tries brushing it off. It’s time for Jaehwan’s solo, and the tears are nipping in the corners of his eyes as Jaehwan’s heart-wrenching ballad fills the theater, sending chills down the spectators’ spines. He holds his breath to keep in the cough tickling the back of his throat. His body is stiff in the seat as he shuts everything out, only focusing on his friend on the stage. He’s beginning to feel dizzy when the song finally comes to an end, the lights on stage dimming. Right before the room is completely bathed in darkness, a pair of piercing brown eyes meet his, a smug smile pulling the corners of his friend’s mouth. At that point, Wonshik can’t hold it in anymore. Gasping for air, a stifled cough manages to escape his lips. He pushes himself up from the chair with his hand tightly concealing his lips, and groggily stumbles to the men’s bathroom. A pale face meets him in the mirror as he pushes the door open to the heavily lighted bathroom. He rushes to one of the bathroom stalls, quickly locking the door behind him. He drops to his knees and holds onto the porcelain seat as his stomach and chest contract, the pressure in his throat increasing. He lets his mouth fall open as he gags and closes his eyes, his nausea only increasing at the sound of his own voice. He feels something light and dry falling from his lips, hitting the water in the toilet without a sound. A single drop of sweat rolls down the bridge of his nose as he finally regains control over his stomach. With a sigh he opens his eyes, at first not able to comprehend the sight that meets him. Filling the toilet bowl halfway is what seems like hundreds of rose pink flower petals. Frightened by the sight, he quickly flushes the toilet, watching every single one of them getting sucked down the drain. The faint sound of talking behind the closed bathroom door signals that the performance is over. Jaehwan will be disappointed if Wonshik isn’t there to greet him when he gets down from the stage, so he picks himself up from the floor and splashes some water in his face by the sink before leaving the bathroom, blending with the other spectators. It doesn’t take long until he finally finds Jaehwan, his face smeared in the heavy scene makeup. His eyes are red from exhaustion but the smile on his lips bursting with pride is unmistakable. When Wonshik tells him that he isn’t feeling well, Jaehwan follows him home. Nearly not even stopping to breathe, Jaehwan talks incessantly about the performance, running through every single detail of the night. Only half-listening, Wonshik nods at his words, too far away in his own thoughts to truly engage in the conversation. Desperately, he tries to come up with a way to tell Jaehwan about what happened in the bathroom. But at the same time, he doesn’t want to frighten Jaehwan. Nothing could be worse than that. Jaehwan means too much, is too precious to him for that.  
When they part ways Wonshik still hasn’t told him anything about the flowers, which still shines brightly behind his closed eyelids when he goes to bed.

Wonshik is sick.  
He knows that.  
It greets him in the mirror every day, staring back at him with hollow cheeks and chapped lips. He knows the people around him are worried. Telling him to eat more. To take his vitamins. To get plenty of rest. But none of them know of the small flower in his lungs, growing bigger and stronger every day. He knows that they would only make him try to get rid of it. But he doesn’t want to. He doesn’t want to forget. Forget the warmth spreading throughout his body every time his eyes meet with Jaehwan’s. Forget the tickle in the pit of his stomach every time Jaehwan laughs. The consequences of his decision are far greater than he’s able to wrap his head around, but a part of him knows that he’ll never love anyone as much as Jaehwan. And if Jaehwan doesn’t love him back, he might as well be dead.  
With his legs shaking underneath him, he leaves the bathroom after one of his many breaks throughout the school day. Faintly, he can hear the loud gurgle of the toilet sucking down another load of pink petals. He has to hold onto the walls for support, the flower wrapping unusually tight around his chest this particular day. The classroom is only located a few doors from the bathroom, but he has to stop multiple times to catch his breath. Halfway there he changes his mind, turning around to walk in the opposite direction. The mere thought of the stuffed buzzing classroom makes it even harder for him to breathe. He needs air.  
A voice shouts behind him but he barely notices, shutting the sound behind him and replacing it with the sound of the heavy rain hitting the ground. It quickly soaks through his shirt, making the white cotton nearly transparent. He inhales the cold autumn air for the first time in a long while, feeling the oxygen reach the bottom of his lungs. He isn't sure whether the water streaming down his face is rain or tears of relief, but he can't stop gulping down the cold air until -  
“Wonshik?” Jaehwan calls his name, the entrance door slamming shut behind him. The sound of his voice immediately makes the flower wrap tighter around his lungs, and he has to hold a hand to his mouth to keep the petals from falling in front of Jaehwan.  
“Are you okay?” Jaehwan asks in a careful voice, walking closer to Wonshik. Every soft word of his hits Wonshik like a punch to the gut and he coughs painfully into his palms, feeling the soft petals press against his skin. He can feel the other boy getting closer little by little, and when a comforting hand is suddenly placed on his shoulder he can no longer hold it in. His legs give underneath him, his palms hitting the wet ground as his body retches, trying to get rid of the flower that is slowly suffocating him. The petals scratch against his already sore throat, and he clenches his fist, scraping his knuckles on the cement, trying to distract his mind from the pain.  
“Wonshik…” Jaehwan whispers in an almost inaudible voice, as his eyes land on the pink flower petals on the ground. A single petal has fallen on the tip of his shoe. Ice cold fear rushes through him when he notices the tiny red drops tinting the flower leaf. With a shaking hand he reaches out for Wonshik, but when his friend pulls away from him, he finally realizes. It is him. All this time it has been him.

Wonshik is sick.  
Jaehwan knows that.  
But he never expected it to be something like this. It wasn’t unusual for Wonshik to take far too many tasks upon himself than he could manage, and Jaehwan had just assumed this had been a rough patch. God. How could he have been so stupid. If only he had realized sooner he could have helped Wonshik.  
“Jaehwan,” Wonshik mutters with a rusty voice, looking up at Jaehwan with teeth and lips stained wine red. The look in his eyes worries Jaehwan. The usual affection he’s used to be met by in the other male’s eyes is gone, replaced by something Jaehwan has only seen few times. Fear.  
“There’s… there’s something I’ve wanted to tell you,” he continues in a choked-up voice. His arms are shaking underneath him, too weak to hold him up for much longer, and he sounds out of breath from only muttering a few words. More than anything Jaehwan wants to reach out for him. Feel him. Know he isn’t going anywhere. But in fear of making things even worse he’s forced to watch his friend as he struggles with the words.  
“I… I love you…” Wonshik says, a painful expression flashing across his face, as the flower hugs him tighter. “I always have.” Desperately he tries to inhale the air, feeling as if his head is being pressed underwater.  
“Wonshik…” Jaehwan says, his sobs choking up the words. “Why didn’t you tell me you were sick.” If only Jaehwan had known sooner, he could have helped. He could have changed this.  
“You… you could never… love me… in that way…” Wonshik mutters, every word tightening around him more and more until he starts to get lightheaded again. Yet something keeps him going. Whether it’s willpower or forces far stronger than him, he needs Jaehwan to know. Even if it costs him his last breath.  
“You are… my light,” he says looking up at Jaehwan once more, noticing the tears in his eyes and wishing to God that those weren’t caused by him. “Nothing… means more to me.” He loves Jaehwan. Has done so since the first time he experienced his kindness. Loves his voice. Loves his smile. No pain has been greater than the times Jaehwan has introduced him to new girlfriends. He always knew that Jaehwan wouldn’t love him back and yet he couldn’t stop loving him.  
“You are my best friend, I can’t go on without you,” Jaehwan sobs, the thought of losing Wonshik like this suffocating him. “I … I need you!” His last words come out louder than planned, and results in another breathless cough from Wonshik, a single petal calmly falling to the ground. His arms finally give in, and his chest falls flat on the ground, as if he’s kneeling in front of Jaehwan.  
“Jaehwan… could you please… hold me?” Wonshik asks in a faint voice. Jaehwan remains silent, not able to utter a single word. The rain has completely drenched them, and the shirt sticking to Wonshik’s back reveals how thin he has become. The sight of his skeleton thin shoulders pains Jaehwan. He looks so fragile. Like a single touch could make his bones snap.  
“Please… Jaehwan…” Wonshik whispers, his voice growing more and more incoherent as he struggles to breathe. His vision goes blurry, Jaehwan only a shapeless figure in the darkness which is surrounding him. Blocking out the sound of the beating rain. Afraid of disappearing, he does everything in his power to stay conscious, despite the little to no air reaching his lungs.  
Suddenly he feels something. A hand. Jaehwan grabs him by his arms, pulling him into his embrace and just as he fears, that he’s getting consumed by the darkness, he hears a soft voice right next to his ear.  
“I love you… Wonshik,” Jaehwan whispers with a soft voice, fingers entangled in Wonshiks wet hair, as he tightly holds his light body close to his chest, desperate to feel his chest still raising and sinking. To hear his heart beat. To feel his warmth. But there’s nothing. He hugs him tighter and tighter, until he can barely breathe and has to let go. With Jaehwan’s arms still around Wonshik’s shoulders, his head lifelessly falls back, eyes staring blankly up at the sky. His lips are parted around a pink flower. An anemone, whose color is far too vibrant, too bright against Wonshik’s pale, cold skin. A small smile is still pulling the left corner of his lips. Lips trembling, Jaehwan lets out a heart wrenching cry, sounding like a wounded animal.

Wonshik was sick.  
Jaehwan should have known.  
It was his fault.


End file.
